I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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