Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
