Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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