worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize