erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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