He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize