I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
