I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
