I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm like, not good at living.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
