Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
