those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
