i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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