I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
