I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
