i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
