weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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