it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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