well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize