I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
