My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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