if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
