Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
