NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The uberlube is also flammable
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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