im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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