If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We talked him into tasing himself.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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