2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
