I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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