Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
