Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
