I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
