and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
