first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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