OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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