you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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