After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
