she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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