put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
