JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
