Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
