Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
