Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
