Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
