Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
