his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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