Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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