It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I need water and some morals
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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