I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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