What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
