Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
