Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
