That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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