I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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