The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how does that bad decision feel?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
