He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
