I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize