if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
