I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
