You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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