dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
