just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
