Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there's paper in my vomit.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
