is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
